End of the Day... and nothing more.

I did run into him this morning, I have to remember that.  All day I've been hoping to see him again so we could talk, get some things out, fix some impressions that may have been made, just be around him.  But only saw him in the stairwell again, again as was walking up as he was walking down, and he gave me an odd sort of tense smile... not a happy to see me smile, guarded maybe.  Maybe I did freak him out.  If the note didn't do it my timid behaviour on the 'bridge' when he came looking for me did.  There's so much I wish I could change about that conversation.  I was 'not cool'.
I'm mad at myself because, hadn't been wanting to talk to him for so long?! Given my chance and I was so in awe that I didn't take it!  There were so many things I wanted to say, but I had also wanted to portray myself as... someone he could talk to, someone he would want to talk to, someone who cared and would listen.
Oh, well. That may be the beginning of the end.  Maybe he had already decided he was done and just had check one more time on the author of the note, just to make sure he really wanted to be done, that he had nothing left for me; and maybe our talk confirmed that for him.  <--silly conjecturing, I know, but I'm actually trying to make myself feel better, I think.  If our 'talking' is over, doesn't that save me the awful awkward conversation where I tell him I have a boyfriend and don't see how I leave him right now? Perhaps even divulging a little how crazy I am about him but that I can't put him before my daughter.
I desperately need to find my zen, now  more than ever.
Patience.
(There another 15 minutes or so left in my day.)