Another long (break-forfeitting) amazing calming heart-grounding talk. But. I didn't mention Wednesday. The talk was too immersed with deep goodness to regret. Falling for him even more. (Could I already be in love? Could I already know he will be my life-long?)
Now Kurt. He is sad. The reality of where we are is out, the challenge of where we can be has been hinted at. Me, Him & Kara. I want to see Frank, to let him take me... I want to be able to talk to him this weekend. "Is it okay if I call...?" The inevitably long minutes will show on the phone bill, if, when he checks. A long weekend without my friend. (This morning, driving in looking for his jeep, "Oh he must not be here..." "Who?Who's not here mommy?" "Um, my friend Frank." "Aw, mommy, maybe you will see your friend tomorrow." So sweet little girly.)
Such a difficult thing to work out, and with Kurt sad, maybe hoping there's a way for us, testing him with 'seeing other people' rules could be devastating to our best possible outcome. Kara's Happiness, my Happiness.
But I want him now, to settle into him, for us to start our lives together, start wrapping our minds around each other and seeing things from dual perspective.
For Kara. Ever notice how giving yourself the goal of being a better mother really means being a better everything? A better person, a better cook, a better housekeeper, a better financial provider, better at being healthy, better at dealing with emotions, better at being prepared, better at setting goals and achieving them... Here's to the journey of 'better': examining where I am now and clarifying where I want to be while striving to get from here to there.
No comments:
Post a Comment