Hello Monday.
A harrowing weekend.
I feel accomplishment deprived.
I've been walking by Jimenez' cube the past month or so, just to get a glimpse. I don't actually want to bump into him when I'm right in front of his cube for no verifiable reason, but I almost never see him around anymore (so weird, right?!) and as time goes by there's things I want to know...
I was thinking that he must be avoiding me, that he caught on to my stalkerisms, and he's freaked out and knows there's just no way and no point... That hurt. But it may not, and probably isn't true. I saw him today as he was walking to the elevator and I was walking towards the doors to the labs and he looked at me, did a stop and did one of his little waist high waves, exaggeratedly, like, 'hi, is it okay to talk to you?' idk. A short exchange, but the most comfortable one ever, 'hi' how are you? I said! 'good! how are you?' 'I'm good' I kept walking, should I have stopped?, what would I have said? Could I have convincingly asked his name? I wish there was something... well, there was. His 'exuberance', his friendliness, his crush on me and his willingness to be a fool for me half a dozen times. But I killed that, and I should be glad about it -I don't want another mess do I? and I've 'decided' that leaving Kurt is the wrong thing to do, and I'm not doing it. So it should be good that this guy has stopped crushing on me and being so happy about seeing me. But I miss it. And I feel really bad that he may be a little heart broken. He just seems so sweet, and a good guy.
Ooo, I just thought of hearing him speak spanish...
I want to know: frank? your real name?, where are you or your parents from? (so I know what to 'study' ha!), do you speak spanish?, where you, are you in the military? (he has a maguire sticker on his jeep, which I shouldn't know), what is it that you do in the summer outside that gets your skin so dark? (beach person? boat? surfer?), is your family in the area? do you spend a lot of time with them?
For Kara. Ever notice how giving yourself the goal of being a better mother really means being a better everything? A better person, a better cook, a better housekeeper, a better financial provider, better at being healthy, better at dealing with emotions, better at being prepared, better at setting goals and achieving them... Here's to the journey of 'better': examining where I am now and clarifying where I want to be while striving to get from here to there.
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