A quote I saw on pinterest that I really want to hold on to: “Work really hard, be kind and amazing things will happen.” Love it and totally believe it. Now to live it… I ask myself: Am I really working hard? Like, in general? I want to. I know I have an excellent capacity for being kind. But, at this stage of my life I run up against a few stand-out mental obstacles: I have been hurt… beaten. Repeatedly. And I am in the process of accepting that there is no end to that in sight. Bear and grin. I don’t wear my jadedness on my sleeve, but it is in there. So kindness doesn’t always occur to me as often as I would like. Also, I am and have always been a combination of shy introvert and apathetic distrusting loner (see previous note). Kindness usually requires that you interact with people, which, even when I desperately want to, is difficult for me as I do not have much experience here. Lastly, I am steadfast in my determination to “Rise Above” “The People Who Have or Will Hurt Me” in order to “Be A Good Mother.” My daughter is my first priority, if I am going to be kind, it will be to her even if at the expense of showing kindness to others. My basic thinking on this matter has been that kindness means doing for other people that you normally wouldn’t give a shit about. How does motherhood and family fit into this virtue of kindness? For now, I will be happy with just doing the best I can in my day-to-day interactions. But, in the future, I would like to spend more time helping extended family, make more ‘friendly’ phone calls, make friends, give thoughtful birthday gifts and send out a slew of sweet Christmas cards, cook for people. And don’t forget: volunteer at the food bank, do weekend fundraiser runs, donate unneeded items to ‘the poor’ (rather than dream of attempting to make money on craigslist or ebay).
For Kara. Ever notice how giving yourself the goal of being a better mother really means being a better everything? A better person, a better cook, a better housekeeper, a better financial provider, better at being healthy, better at dealing with emotions, better at being prepared, better at setting goals and achieving them... Here's to the journey of 'better': examining where I am now and clarifying where I want to be while striving to get from here to there.
No comments:
Post a Comment